It was very early this morning when I was forced to drag myself out of bed by the call of nature. The day before was pretty unpleasant as I was suffering through a little stomach virus I got from Heaven knows where. You would think after spending the day in bed I wouldn't be tired enough to sleep all night, but sleeping didn't seem to be a problem. However, I digress. So, I stumbled out of bed, joints creaking and croaking like a little choir of frogs and crickets due to my advanced age, and stumbled blindly in the dark towards my bathroom. There on the floor I could see a dark mass of something and I hesitated. Considering the fact that I wasn't wearing my glasses or contacts, and I do not have the ability to identify anything more than 12 inches in front of my face in broad daylight without them let alone in the dark, and the fact that I do live with three animals, I knew hesitation and investigation was probably the best move under the circumstances. I carefully bent, and using the tips of my well manicured acrylic, and thereby germ resistant, fingernails I picked up the dark blob on my floor. It felt a little wet and squishy so I brought it closer to my face for a better chance to identify what it was, assuming it was the remains of some well used chew toy or stuffed animal. Imagine, if you will, the sound of a piercing scream in the dark of my empty bedroom as I looked at the wet, squishy mass between my fingernails and realized.... it was looking back at me! It was the head of a field mouse! I felt like I was in some kind of Cat Godfather movie or something. You know, mouse's head in my bed and all. I immediately dropped the little gift and danced back and forth from one foot to the other as a I shuddered and screamed. Acrylic or not, I'm not taking the chance that my nails are that germ resistant. I quickly grabbed a bottle of hand sanitizer and sanitized, rinsed, and sanitized again. Then I removed half a roll of paper towels and wadded them up so I could pick up the decapitated mouse head with the assurance that no part of it would come close to having contact with my skin, and in my night gown and slippers, at 2 a.m., wandered into the driveway to dispose of it in the outside garbage can. Then it was to the kitchen for the can of Lysol disinfecting spray so I could spray every inch of my bedroom floor. Now, all the while that this spectacle is taking place I realize that Carl, the cat, is sitting comfortably on my bed watching me and wondering why I have such a problem with his little gift. Then it comes to me, cats like to bring their owners parts of their "catch" as a gift to show their appreciation. Do you suppose being gifted with the head of the mouse is some sort of ultimate show of gratitude? Could it be Carl expects me to have it taxidermy'd and hang it on the wall? Maybe about a foot off the floor so he can stand and admire it from time to time. I'm not sure having a wall covered with taxidermy'd mouse heads would fit with my decor. I wonder how I can convince Carl that, although I appreciate the gesture, he really doesn't need to express his appreciation. I know he is happy. Really. However, I will be keeping a pair of garden gloves next to my bed and the next time I see something suspicious on the floor in the middle of the night. I will not be retrieving it until I am wearing the gloves. Just a very essential precaution.
No comments:
Post a Comment