Retraction

You know how the other day I said, "We'll never be too old for adventure, and we will never be beaten by Mother Nature."? Well, I think She heard me and like any good Mother, She set out to prove me wrong. When my boys were small, I used to put on my angry face and tell them, "you may grow up to be bigger than me someday, but just remember this, you will never be meaner. " Then I would pray they never tested me on it because everyone knows, the truth of the matter is, a fluffy white bunny looks like a vicious killer next to me. I learned very quickly, though, that Mother Nature does not rely on the art of intimidation. She is true to her word. And so, I offer a modification to my previous claim based on the adventure de' jour.

We checked the weather report and learned, it's unreliable. But based on the report we received, and due to the encouragement of my son, we decided on this: Jay's last day before heading out to the red sands of the North African desert, we would take the Jane Louise and test her out on the waters of the American Falls reservoir. I grew a little anxious as the winds started to increase, but driving along in the shelter of the cab of the truck, they didn't seem too bad. As we pulled in to Seagull Bay to launch, the dock master met us and talked to us about the best places to fish. I think my concern started to increase about the time he told us to watch the weather and the waves, gave us his phone number, and told us where to beach the boat and wait for the sheriff's department to rescue us. But, we launched anyway and headed out. As we were motoring into the main reservoir at high speed and the boat started to bounce sideways, I started to hyperventilate. I hung on for dear life and thought to myself, "I don't think we are supposed to fly three feet in the air and bounce across the lake from wave to wave." When my kamikaze, 32 year old, little brat, son said, "it's not that bad, let's troll awhile." I think I actually shouted, "shut up!" but no one could hear me over the crashing waves. When the rolling swells started to splash over the side of the boat, I put on my life jacket and thought, "at least they will be able to find my floating body." Now, I'm not sure what it was that made Lieutenant Dan and Forrest Gump decide maybe we should get off the lake. It could have been the fact that I had left indented finger marks in the dashboard where I was hanging on. It could have been my continual mumbling, "please God, don't let me die today." It could have been concern over whether they would be able to pull the seat cushion out of my butt cheeks if they didn't leave soon. Whatever it was, I couldn't have been happier. Once we had the boat on the trailer, safe from the icy depths of that hideous reservoir, I knew I would have to rescind my previous claims and say instead, "we will never be too old for most adventures, and we have a deep respect for Mother Nature." So, tomorrow my partner in craziness will make his trek across the North Atlantic and then the Mediterrean Sea, all from the safe confines of a large airplane, and for the next 56 days I will try to rest and prepare until we do it all over again.

Portrait of a die hard fisherman.

The sky was dark and ominous with howling winds and snow clouds threatening to burst. He looked out the window and eyed the horizon, first East and then West. "I think I see a little patch a blue sky to the East." He said. "I think it'll be okay, I'm going to hitch up the boat." With a sigh she donned her sweatshirt, thermal underwear, hooded parka, knit cap, and insulated gloves. She filled the thermos with piping hot chocolate, made two sandwiches, and popped her camera into the plastic carrier to protect it and off they went. They relentlessly trolled the boiling, dark green waters as she faithfully watched the fish finder searching desperately for the elusive trout in the depths of those cold waters. Meanwhile, he set up his poles, first one lure, then another, then another. They trolled to the East, then the West, then the North then the South. The winds blew harder, but still they trolled. The rain came down, but still they trolled. He climbed onto the front of the boat and took control with the little putting trolling motor and he crawled along the shoreline. They trolled up and down the narrow confines of the infamous "Kenny's Cove", the last place he caught a fish. At last he motored carefully up to a floating dock and tied the boat to the dock. For just a moment they enjoyed a sandwich and hot chocolate while the wind howled through the open door on the windshield. He then threw out a sinking Rapalla. He snagged up and he was forced to break it off. "Shoot" he cried, "there goes seven dollars." He reeled in that pole and threw out another. It snagged on the rocks. "There goes six dollars." he shouted above the storm. "Thirteen dollars, gone in 10 minutes." He quickly tied on another lure and cast it towards the shore. Success at last! She jumped from her seat and ran for the net to scoop up the catch of the day. But, too late, he already had the little Cutthroat in the boat. They smiled at each other like a pair of fools, and he quickly returned the slimy creature to the depths. As he threw his lure into the water again, the storms came in earnest. The wind blew harder and the clouds opened up and dumped the snow. It had been five hours and he had caught a fish. It was enough. Quickly he stowed his poles and they motored for the docks. The snow collected on the windshield and filled the skies. He could barely find the docks through the storm. He finally reached the shore and jumped to the dock. She idled in the torrent until he had the trailer in the lapping waves. With great trepidation she wiped the snow from the windshield so she could see and carefully guided the boat to safety aboard the trailer. At last it was secure and with shaking hands and shivering teeth she hopped into the truck and they headed back home. As the heater blasted them back to normal temperature, they looked at each other and laughed out loud. "We will never be too old for adventure, and we will never be beaten by Mother Nature."

And so the choice is made

A couple of months ago I had a post entitled "fork in the road". On that day I found myself standing at a fork and wondering which way to go. I should reveal something about myself. I don't care for change, and yet ironically, change is the only constant in this life. However, that doesn't alter the fact that I don't like it. I especially don't care for it when it is forced upon me through the actions of other people. But, there I stood all the same. Today, that choice has been made.

"One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.” Steven Deitz

Melancholy? Maybe a little, but true none the less. All my hope in the electrical industry and the politicians who have control has been slaughtered. I am betrayed by politics, money, egos, and the very career I worked so hard to aspire to. Betrayed by my own principles, ideals, values and sense of justice. In the end, the electrical industry belongs to the male gender and regardless of my efforts, skill level or commitment, I will always just be a girl trying to force my way in to the boys' club. Those who would employ me will weigh the cost of my credentials against the value they place on them and determine that I am not worth the cost. My sense of justice and decency and what is right is nothing more than a burden that I carry that holds no value with those who hold their power so dear. So, as I look down the road ahead and choose the direction I will take, I choose the path that puts the electrical industry far behind me. I am thankful for the knowledge I gained, for the time spent learning a trade, and the living it provided me when I needed it most. But, all good things must come to an end and so I choose to follow a different road. There is always more to learn and new things to try. I find I can no longer waste my energy being passionate about something that those is control have complete apathy towards. Another quote, not my words, but I share them because they speak my thoughts. "No one cares. Apathy is a disease and some days I long for it."

I think I will choose to infect myself with this disease, as it may be the only way to find peace with the bitter pain of loss and betrayal by those I served and the things I cared so much about.

I really don't mean to sound bitter or depressed, but I also tend to have the disease of speaking honestly, and that ailment often gets me into trouble sometimes too.

I try not to think of this as an ending, but just the beginning of a whole new road filled with new vistas and new adventures. And so, today I will abdicate my last foothold in the industry and resign my position with the Association of Electrical Inspectors, and tomorrow I will tear off the rear view mirror and drive top speed down a new road. I'm off!!

Spring planting update

The saga of the seeds continues. First to Mel, my beloved daughter in law, who finds comfort and fondness in the bleak, overcast days. May they gently rest upon your little plot of land. As for myself, I should have been a lizard, lying on a sunbaked rock somewhere in the dry desert sun. But, such is not the case. So, no, the rain, gray skies and particularly the wind, are not welcome guests at my house, but instead uninvited thieves who steal my smile and good nature. So, on to the seeds. My little jiffy garden is so far thriving nicely in front of the bathroom vent. Carl, the cat, has not yet turned it in to his litter box as there is a lid on top of them. I was ecstatic when I checked on them after only about 3 days and found they had begun to sprout. I figured it would be safe at this point to move them from the direct warmth of the bathroom vent and onto the top of the kitchen table. There they would still be relatively warm and their little peeking heads could drink in a small taste of sunlight. Thankfully the kitchen table is never used for the consumption of any meals, but is a mere decoration meant to give the impression that we are a civilized family.

Today, they had grown so big I decided it was time they were moved to larger accommodations, so I drove to the local nursery where I secured a plastic tray and planting cups that were way bigger than their current accommodations. For some strange reason I caught myself humming the theme song to "the Jeffersons". Movin' on up....to the East side. Anyway, I removed those little seedlings that were so very precocious as to have already outgrown their environment and carefully placed them in their new homes. I then filled in the open spaces with fresh, brown potting soil and dribbled just enough water over them to turn the dirt to a soft, spongy goo. I moved this little tray to the kitchen table to join the younger seedlings so they could offer encouragement and support. I know as I walked by, they raised their little heads and smiled a little plant smile.

Now, time to see if the other plants do as well, if the sun will ever shine, if the wind will ever quit blowing, and that long awaited day of hope when tender little seedlings can make the move outside will ever come.