And so the choice is made

A couple of months ago I had a post entitled "fork in the road". On that day I found myself standing at a fork and wondering which way to go. I should reveal something about myself. I don't care for change, and yet ironically, change is the only constant in this life. However, that doesn't alter the fact that I don't like it. I especially don't care for it when it is forced upon me through the actions of other people. But, there I stood all the same. Today, that choice has been made.

"One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.” Steven Deitz

Melancholy? Maybe a little, but true none the less. All my hope in the electrical industry and the politicians who have control has been slaughtered. I am betrayed by politics, money, egos, and the very career I worked so hard to aspire to. Betrayed by my own principles, ideals, values and sense of justice. In the end, the electrical industry belongs to the male gender and regardless of my efforts, skill level or commitment, I will always just be a girl trying to force my way in to the boys' club. Those who would employ me will weigh the cost of my credentials against the value they place on them and determine that I am not worth the cost. My sense of justice and decency and what is right is nothing more than a burden that I carry that holds no value with those who hold their power so dear. So, as I look down the road ahead and choose the direction I will take, I choose the path that puts the electrical industry far behind me. I am thankful for the knowledge I gained, for the time spent learning a trade, and the living it provided me when I needed it most. But, all good things must come to an end and so I choose to follow a different road. There is always more to learn and new things to try. I find I can no longer waste my energy being passionate about something that those is control have complete apathy towards. Another quote, not my words, but I share them because they speak my thoughts. "No one cares. Apathy is a disease and some days I long for it."

I think I will choose to infect myself with this disease, as it may be the only way to find peace with the bitter pain of loss and betrayal by those I served and the things I cared so much about.

I really don't mean to sound bitter or depressed, but I also tend to have the disease of speaking honestly, and that ailment often gets me into trouble sometimes too.

I try not to think of this as an ending, but just the beginning of a whole new road filled with new vistas and new adventures. And so, today I will abdicate my last foothold in the industry and resign my position with the Association of Electrical Inspectors, and tomorrow I will tear off the rear view mirror and drive top speed down a new road. I'm off!!